Oh Martha!

My friend Meryl gave me a subscription to Martha Steward Living for my birthday. This magazine has a lot of beautiful photos and great recipies...but my favorite part of the whole thing is Martha's Calendar.

You, reader, can find out what Martha has planned to do every day of the month! Here are some of her planned activities for January:

January 7: Dust books in the library along the spines with a feather duster.
Who in their right mind needs to PLAN to do this? And why so detailed? What if she doesn't use a duster made of feathers? Does she melt?

January 10: Decorate dining room with begonias.
Again -- such detail. What if the florist happens to be out of begonias?

January 12: Polish copper pots.
Fun.

January 14: Bathe cats.
I wish wish wish I could be there to watch Martha bathe her cats. OMG would that be funny. In all actuality, I'm sure she pays a minion to bathe the cats for her. She wouldn't want to get her cashmere sweater all scratched up. And anyway -- don't cats bathe themselves on a daily, if not hourly basis?

January 16: Begin winter dormant pruning of pin oak allee.
This is how that sentence sounds in my mind: mdsfao nf ajfididaieke dakf ndalsie. Exactly.

January 19: Bring a bowl of fresh eggs to the office.I might suggest bringing homemade cookies or cinnamon buns...but no. Martha brings eggs. Not the easiest thing to snack on throughout the day...

January 20: Vacuum and dust coils of refrigerator (unplug it beforehand).
Nobody but Martha does this.

January 31: Pulse bread (or uncooked white rice) in coffee grinder to remove residue.
God bless the child who forgets to do this.

Not only does she have a daily talk show, a monthly magazine, and various other celebrity stuff to do, it's nice to know Martha doesn't overlook her other duties as duster, egg giver, and cat bather.