Naughty Football Commentator Quotes

I found this funny list on Carrie Jones' livejournal blog. Carrie is a young adult fiction writer who lives in Maine. Check out her blog here.

Some of my favorites:

"He is good at the penetration."

"The guys love him. He puts them in different positions and they love him."

"He's looking for holding and that's all he's looking for."

"He came in so quickly..."

"He says, 'Where's the hole?'"

"You know me; I like aggression."

"Usually when your feet get out of position... then you use your arms and hands."

Leave some of your favorites as comments and I'll add them to the list!

Common Sense

Thank God the new leader of the free world has some common sense! A little quip from the New York Times story...

WASHINGTON — President Obama announced on Wednesday a salary cap of $500,000 for top executives at companies that receive the largest amounts of money under the $700 billion federal bailout, calling the step an expression not only of fairness but of “basic common sense.”

The entire article is a good read and you can find it here.

It's straight forward, no nonsense talk like this that makes me feel good about my citizenship....FINALLY! A leader who not only gets down to business, doesn't handle top execs with kid gloves, and doesn't make up words when he speaks. Refreshing.

Weird News Wednesday

Officials nab traveler with pigeons in his pants

Bird smuggler faces up to 10 years in prison, more than $70,000 in fines

SYDNEY - An Australian traveler was caught with two live pigeons stuffed in his pants following a trip to the Middle East, customs officials said Tuesday.

The 23-year-old man was searched after authorities discovered two eggs in a vitamin container in his luggage, said Richard Janeczko, national investigations manager for the Customs Service.

They found the pigeons wrapped in padded envelopes and held to each of the man's legs with a pair of tights, according to a statement released by the agency. Officials also seized seeds in his money belt and an undeclared eggplant.

The alleged bird smuggler, who arrived in Melbourne on Sunday on a flight from Dubai, was being questioned.

Australia has very strict quarantine regulations on the importation of wildlife, plants and food to protect health, agriculture and the environment of the isolated island nation.

Charges of wildlife smuggling which carry a maximum penalty of 10 years imprisonment and a fine of 110,000 Australian dollars ($70,430) could be brought against the man.

Janeczko said the pigeons were not endangered and that the case as well as the birds, eggs and seeds had been turned over to the Quarantine Service to assess the health risk associated with bringing the birds into the country.

The Quarantine Service would not comment on the continuing investigation.

More Headlines

Cops: N.Y. boy dressed as girl to cheat on exam

Man accused of riding a horse drunk in storm

Recession-proofing Yourself

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately on how people are cutting corners to save money here and there. One of the best posts I've read is called Surviving a Recession: Lessons From our Ancestors on beingfrugal.net.

I’m not going to speculate on how long the bad economy will last, whether an economic stimulus plan will help, or if we’re in a recession at all. None of that matters when it’s your family facing cutbacks and job losses. What matters is what we can do in the here and now. And instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, some of the best ways to survive a recession can be found from our ancestors, who often had very little, but made do with what they had.

Lynnae brings up the Little House on the Prarie series in her blog and how they got on without any income. One of my favorite books as a child, I remember in Little House in the Big Woods Pa butchered a pig and blew up the pig bladder and tied it with a string for Laura and Mary to play with. Who needs toys when you've got a pig bladder?

But seriously.

Since I live on my own and pay all the bills (including the ones for my expensive brain) I have had to cut back. Someone told me once that they couldn't believe I didn't have an Internet connection in my apartment. Well, I don't. I figure if I NEED to check something online I can walk up the street to work. But I'm on the computer all day at the office and find "unplugging" on the weekends to be worth it. I also don't have cable. And I do laundry at my parents' house. And I shoot squirrles from my bedroom window and make pot pie out of them. Just kidding on that last one there...

Something else I am doing more and more these days is making presents for people instead of buying them. I've been crocheting hats for all the new babies in my life and making jewelry, magnets, and cards for friends. Luckily I surround myself with people who appreciate these homemade things so it works out well. Just getting a card in the mail is exciting for most people...and only costs me 42 cents! Since when did getting snail mail become a luxury?

In any case there are lots of personal finance sites out there and most of them tell you the same thing. How you cut costs is a personal matter and no one formula is right for everyone. What works for you probably wont work for me and vice versa. For example, while you may love butchering a pig and playing with it's bladder I'm not that into it. But I am into ideas on how to make my money work for me so if you've got any insider tips...send 'em my way!

Bumper Sticker

I saw the coolest bumper sticker on Sunday. A subaru with Maine plates had a white bumper sticker that said OBAMANOS. For those of you who don't speak Spanish, vamanos means "lets go!" and the "v" in Spanish sounds like a "b".


I hadn't seen this bumper sticker before...not surprising because there aren't a lot of Latinos living in Maine...but I love it. I may even cast aside my no bumper sticker policy and get one for myself.

I found them on Zazzle.com and on Cafe Press.

My First Bike

Note: This is an entry for Scribbit's write-away contest. The photo is not me...but the bike is identical! I love the early '80s!

My First Bike

Before I got my first big-girl bike I had a Superman Powerwheel. Remember those things? I used to ride it around my Spider-Man kiddie pool (see a theme here?) on my dirt driveway. We lived in the woods of rural Maine, so I didn’t have anyone else to play with except my uncle Jeffy, who was 8 years older than me and very into super heros – hence my genre of choice when it came to the plastic things I surrounded myself with.

I remember getting my first big girl bike because I stumbled upon it by mistake. My parents had tried to hide it under a tarp in the space under the stairs to our back door. I don’t remember how I came upon noticing it, but I instantly knew I wasn’t supposed to have found it…that it was a surprise for me.

It was red. It had that special shiny, candy, metallic red that only a new bike can have. The glorious banana seat had Strawberry Shortcake all over it. Oh boy! I was WAY into Strawberry Shortcake at 6 years sold and couldn’t believe my luck that her shiny pink oversized face came plastered all over a new bike for me.

I asked my parents about it and they said that yes, that bike was for me, and that they were waiting to put training wheels on it and that’s why it was hidden.

My dad couldn’t put those training wheels on fast enough! My first big girl bike and it was most definitely ALL GIRL! No more Superman, no more Spider-Man, adios, Hulk! My shiny new pink and red bike was here to stay.

I got really good at riding my bike up and down my dirt driveway. So good in fact that my dad asked me if I was ready to take off the training wheels and REALLY have a big girl bike. Sure, I shrugged, how hard could it be to ride a two wheeler?

Hard. And being a stubborn child I didn’t want anyone to help me.

I must have started and fallen down over a dozen times. My dad suggested practicing on the lawn for a softer landing than the driveway could provide. It still hurt! I remember one time I fell and crushed my 6-year-old vagina on the side of the banana seat and oh my god did I cry. Only a girl can know how much that hurts.

I wanted my dad to put my training wheels back on but he wouldn’t. “Sorry kiddo – you’ll just have to keep practicing.”

I stormed off frustrated. But it didn’t last long. Pretty soon I let my dad hold the back of my banana seat and help me along. I didn’t want him to let go, but eventually he did. He didn’t take credit for teaching me, either, or make me feel bad for not asking him for help sooner. He always knew the right time to console me when I fell or leave me alone when I was angry. He knew when to hold on and when to let go.

Over 20 years have gone by since Strawberry Shortcake and I learned how to work together, and my dad still knows when to hold on, when to let go, and when to give me a little shove in the right direction.

Things that should not fall from the sky...

I could have saved this story for my Weird News Wednesday but I just couldn't wait. Talk about random...

Picture it: Friday morning, 9 am on a clear January day in coastal Maine. An eel falls from the sky onto a parking lot. An eagle had fished it out of the nearby river and probably dropped it when it realized the disgustingness of its catch. While the eel looks a little beat up from its ginormous fall, it is quite miraculously still alive.

Seriously? This is one of my greatest fears. Eels falling from the sky. I have always been strangely terrified of eels and had this happened to me I probably would have passed out.

Read the rest of the story here.