The 5:00 pm news is stupid

Maybe you live in the city and there is a lot of stuff going on: murder, protests, car accidents, etc. Not me. I live in a place where Old Granny Smith's 100th birthday makes the nightly news. I am not proud of this.

I have often compared the nightly news in Bangor, Maine to the nightly news in other places I have lived: Boston, Baltimore, New Jersey. It's quite hilarious. I have never understood why rural areas produce a 5:00 and 5:30 pm newscast. Frequently the exact same stories are shown on the 6:00 pm broadcast, so it's not like there is NEW News. In fact, I argue that the earlier news broadcasts are complete wastes of time.

My hypothesis was proven last night during the WABI 5:30 broadcast. During this half-hour, they actually attempt to make a meal with a local chef...who is all done up in a tall white hat and everything. Todd Simcox basically stands there while the chef does his thing. But here's the kicker: the segment isn't long enough to do anything interesting. Last night the chef showed us how to make caesar salad. CAESAR SALAD! Are you kidding me? No, they weren't. The chef literally dumped out a bag of already cut romaine hearts, put them in a bowl, added some asiago cheese and croutons, and tossed it all around in dressing that he didn't even tell us how to make.

Yes folks, in rural Maine the news will tell you how to make salad. Is this news? No. Is it teaching you something? Hardly. Is it even interesting? Not in the least. Todd Simcox stood there trying to get us to believe that the salad was amazing smelling. How often does a salad smell amazing? Does lettuce even smell?

In any case -- a colossal waste of time. I say leave the cooking segments to the cooking shows. Salad doesn't equal news.