Lessons in the Blogosphere

Have you read Miss Conduct from The Boston Globe? She's super! I read her online at Boston.com every few weeks. I stumbled upon this question that sent my internal red flags waving:

My daughter, a 20-year-old college junior, keeps a blog about her study-abroad travels and has invited her mom (my wife) and me to read it. She has a second blog for her friends, with more personal details. I found this blog, but according to my 15-year-old son, I shouldn't read it because it is not intended for my eyes. He says that reading it is equivalent to reading a diary accidentally left open. Should my wife and I ask for permission to read both blogs? Don't parents have the same right to information about their kids as a complete stranger does?

If I was Miss Conduct this is what I would have said.

Dear Poor Parents:
Go ahead and read your stupid daughters blog! She's put it out there for the entire world to read and that means you, too! If your daughter has things she is embarrassed for you to know (and what college kid doesn't) than she shouldn't put it on the web. Simple as that. Other people -- like professors, sexual predators, and future employers, are free to look at it so why not you? A blog IS like leaving your diary open...for all to see. She should exercise more restraint. If there is stuff she doesn't want you to know, than she should write her friends emails instead. Tell her to stop being such an idiot and censor herself.

This is actually what Miss Conduct said:

Oh, M.S., M.S., use your imagination, honey. When you were in your college years, were there not things you would have infinitely preferred to share with a complete stranger rather than with your own parents? Are there not, even today, things you would prefer to share with a complete stranger rather than with your parents, should they still be living? Much of the time, we don't need privacy from strangers nearly as much as we need it from our own family.

Your son is right. If your daughter does not want you to read her second blog, you shouldn't. The existence of a "family" blog and a separate "friends" blog pretty clearly conveys the message "Mom & Dad Keep Out," which is a reasonable message from a 20-year-old. It doesn't matter who else can or can't read it: If she doesn't want you to read it, then you shouldn't.

Your daughter is, however, expecting you to exercise heroic restraint, since a blog is the equivalent of a diary left open on the kitchen table not only once, but all the time. I don't think you should ask her for permission to read the second blog, but you can let her know that she might want to do more to protect her privacy. Why don't you write to her and tell her that you'd prefer that she secure her "friends" blog so that only the people whom she gives access to can read it. This will keep you safe from temptation and show your daughter that you respect her -- while also giving her a valuable heads-up that the Internet is not as private a place as she thinks it is.

Miss Conduct is WAY nicer than me -- that is why she has her job and I have mine. But seriously -- when are kids going to get it that a blog IS NOT private! You can't pick and choose who sees it unless you put some sort of firewall on it where you need a password to enter.

High school and college kids these days never cease to amaze me with their lack of common sense.