Toothpaste Trauma

Never do I feel more American than when I go to WalMart. Today I was on a mission to buy toothpaste. A simple chore, really, until you actually enter the toothpaste aisle and see how many choices you have.


WHY are there so many choices in toothpaste? Not only between companies but within companies. Different flavors, different flavor crystals, tartar protection, whitening, ultra whitening, fresh mint, clean mint, peppermint, spearmint, cinnamint! It's dizzying. I spent a good 5 minutes just staring.

I'm a Crest girl. I've used Crest my entire life. So I zero in on the Crest choices. That narrows my vision down to half. Then I decide what size I want. I'm a single girl so I go for the medium to small tube. That way if I hate the flavor I'm not stuck with it for a year-and-a-half. Then I deduce what I'm worried about:
1. cavities?
2. tartar?
3. sensitive teeth?
4. whitening?
5. all-over health?

Then I think about texture:
1. classic toothpaste?
2. baking soda?
3. gel?
4. liquid gel?

I have decided I want all-over healthy teeth with a classic toothpaste texture in a medium size. I'm now in the realm of the Crest Pro-Health Toothpastes. But my choices aren't over:
1. Pro-Health Whitening?
2. Pro-Health Night?
3. Pro-Health Clean Mint?
4. Pro-Health Cinnamon Mint?

First off, is it necessary to have a different toothpaste for my morning and evening brush? That seems a bit unnecessary. In the mornings I use a Listerine brand whitening swish before I brush my teeth, so I don't really need the whitening toothpaste. So now it's down to Clean Mint and Cinnamon Mint. I like cinnamon on my toast and in my gum, so I go with that.

Two hours later I have completely missed my lunch break but I have toothpaste in hand. Triumphantly I head to the counter and pay. Should it really be this hard?